Here are two rules about killers that you might not know if it weren’t for television.  • If there is a deranged killer on the loose this will also coincide with a thunderstorm that has brought down all the power and phone lines in the vicinity. • If a killer is lurking in your house, it’s [...]

For a while there were vitamin commercials on television. I’m not talking about women and the recommended prenatal vitamins, I’m talking about multi vitamins. I don’t see them anymore. Ironically, we’ll spend half a day looking for vitamin pills to make us live longer, then drive 90 miles an hour to make up for lost [...]

You see folks on a treadmill from time to time on television. A scene with a character exercising isn’t nearly as interesting or amusing as a chase scene. Have you ever noticed these things? • If the person you are chasing has just taken the elevator down from the 20th floor, you will be able [...]

• One man shooting at 20 men has a better chance of killing them than 20 men firing at 1 man. • Wearing a vest or stripping to the waist can make a man invulnerable to bullets. • If being fired at by Germans, hide in a river – or even a bath. German bullets [...]

While watching a movie recently, I couldn’t hear the dialogue over the chatter of the two women sitting in front of me. Unable to bear it any longer, I tapped one of them on the shoulder. “Excuse me,” I said, “I can’t hear.” “I should hope not,” she replied sharply. “This is a private conversation.” [...]

A man was sprawled across three entire seats in a theater. When the usher came by and noticed this, he whispered to the man, “Sorry sir, but you’re only allowed one seat.” The man groaned but didn’t budge. The usher became impatient. “Sir,” the usher said, “if you don’t get up from there, I’m going [...]

For the first time in many years, a an old man traveled from his rural town to the city to attend a movie. After buying his ticket, he stopped at the concession stand to purchase some popcorn. Handing the attendant $1.50, he couldn’t help but comment, “The last time I came to the movies, popcorn [...]

Here are the top ten reasons why the television is better than the web. 10. It doesn’t take minutes to build the picture when you change TV channels. 9. When was the last time you tuned in to “Melrose Place” and got a “Error 404″ message? 8. There are fewer grating color schemes on TV–even [...]

Guns are like disposable razors – if you run out of bullets just throw the gun away. You can always buy a new one. If you need to reload your gun, you will always have more ammunition – even if you haven’t been carrying any before now. Although in the 20th century it is possible [...]

After spending all day watching football, Harry fell asleep in front of the TV and spent the whole night in the chair. In the morning, his wife woke him up. “Get up dear,” she said, “it’s 20 to seven.” He awoke with a start and said, “In who’s favor?”